My Dad wasn't around much when I was a kid.
My Dad is a retired gastroenterologist and for the majority of his career he worked at a practice by himself, or with only one other partner. This meant that he rounded in the hospital every other weekend. He worked long hours during the week and often missed out on family dinners to answer pages or go to the hospital for urgent procedures.
This demanding work schedule took a toll on him. He was not able to make it to so many of my athletic events. Yet despite this, I still wanted to become a doctor. He never discouraged me from the profession, but never really encouraged it either. He knew the challenges I would face and the changing landscape of medicine. I figured that I would game the system by becoming an ER doctor so that I could have more schedule flexibility and be around more for my kids (once they came along).
In theory it was a smart decision, but probably wasn't the best one for my personality. Sure I liked the variety of cases we saw in the ER and the adrenaline of caring for a critically ill patient. However, I also like having time to think through complex problems and being able to spend as much time as necessary with a patient or their family. The ER was not the place for either of these.
I was able to make the ER lifestyle work when I was single. Even when I worked nights shifts only I could arrange my schedule to have four days off in a row. I did a lot of sleeping, exercising, walking my dog, and playing video games. Then my life began to change as I got married and had two kids. I no longer had the time I needed to recharge after shifts in the ER. My priorities also began to change and pursuit of my occupation was no longer the most important aspect of my life, my family was. This is when it became real hard and my burnout flared. But I felt guilty abandoning the profession I worked so hard to become since the age of 13. What was I to do?
Ultimately I accepted the fact that I served mankind for ten years working in the ER. I took care of a lot of patients and saved a fair number of lives. Sure I could have done more and helped more patients but that wasn't the best decision for me. I am no G.O.A.T. but it was time to hang up my metaphorical cleats (stethoscope) and pursue a different career path in alignment with my new priorities. I know a lot of you are in the same boat. It is okay to leave clinical medicine behind, you have already made a tremendous difference in the world and you can find a different way to continue to do so.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
-Phil